I’m having a moment here
Like you know when you hear people say “I’m doing me” usually I feel like that is never what they really mean. Usually you hear that from some bitter girl who’s just trying to show her for the moment ex that she isn’t worried about him..which is BULL lol
Well I’m having a different kind of “I’m doing me” moment.
I love my boyfriend, friends, and family…to death. I’d do anything for them. But it’s time for me to worry more about myself than others.
This has a lot to do with looks….I use to have confidence issues even though only my closest friends ever knew. I went from high school…pretty well known, personable, always into something…to college in Atlanta where I knew NO ONE and NOTHING about ANYTHING. LOL But it had been my dream since I was 11 years old to be where I was…so I had to stick to it. Freshman 15??? Try Freshman 30 LOL I packed it on honey! Who knew ramen noodles had so many calories. And I was not going anywhere near the gym even though I payed for it with student fees!
I was a party animal my first two years in college. And the refund check and a loving mama made sure I had money in my pocket to have food and outfits and gas money at all times. But as the days went on the weight gain started (thanks Chipotle!) And as my weight went up…my confidence and number of wearable outfits went down. My daily outfit turned into a t shirt, jeans, and a hoodie smh. And I never understood why I had the confidence issues…because I’ve never had a man that I cared about call me fat…and no one has ever called me ugly.
I said all of that to say this….I”M DOING ME. I’m taking charge. I’ve been yoyo dieting a lot over the past couple of years. Last year I lost 50 pounds!! But I gained almost all of that back. Then in May of this year I got back on track. But my housewarming on June 1st I had lost almost 30 pounds….but after the party..I fell off again. But I promise to all of you and to myself…I’m back on my game! I can’t promise to be perfect…because I’m guaranteed to have bad days. But I will try my hardest. Cause honestly my weight is me! It’s my confidence, my health, everything. But before I was doing it for the wrong reasons…to look good for everybody else. Now I’m doing it for me!
Next I have to take better care of myself and put on the outside how I feel on the inside. All of my life I have been and can still be a tomboy. So as long as I have my lip gloss I really don’t need any other makeup…and my wardrobe could consist of nothin but t shirts and I’d be fine. But I’ve gotten a little better already. I’ve learned how to do a little eye makeup…and I dress up occasionally. I clean up really nice LOL!
Next I have to stop giving AF about everybody else. And I’m not even only talking about the drama I’ve encountered over the last couple of years. I’m talking about the “loved ones” and “friends” whom I never hear from until they need something. The “friends” who really wanna see me fail. The “family” who always has something to say about every choice I make. I’M DOING ME!!! I don’t care anymore! Anyone who really knows me knows that I don’t usually bite my tongue…tuh! Try me now! I’m not saying I’m going to outright be rude and disrespectful…but uhhh you’ve been warned. Don’t come to me with the mess.
To end on a positive note…I’m only 23 and I’ve reached the majority of my dreams! That’s a lot more than most women my age can say! I’m doing a little soul searching…and if a little confidence issue is the only problem I have…Life is gonna be great!!
Alright that’s enough venting for the day…trust me, I’ll be back for more ; )